We have all heard the Islamic guidance about the importance of being mindful of our company and those we associate with. Reflect on the citations below:
Close friends, that Day, will be enemies to each other, except for the righteous ” [Quran; 43:67
And (remember) the Day when the wrong-doer (oppressor, polytheist etc.) will bite at his hand, he will say: ‘Oh! Would that I had taken a path with the Messenger. Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken so-and-so as a friend! He indeed led me astray from the Reminder (the Quran) after it had come to me….’” [Quran; 25:27]
“A person is upon the religion of his close friend, so beware whom you befriend.” [Abu Daawood and At-Tirmithi]
‘The example of a good pious companion and an evil one is that of a person carrying musk and another blowing a pair of bellows. The one who is carrying musk will either give you some perfume as a present, or you will buy some from him, or you will get a good smell from him, but the one who is blowing a pair of bellows will either burn your clothes or you will get a bad smell from him.” [Sahih Al Bukhari]
Powerful right? The problem, however, is that very few people actually are mindful of this to the extent that it leads to action. Very few people are mindful enough to consciously connect or disconnect from people with this underlying thought motivating their decisions. Very few people are able to leave what I like to call the “echo chamber” which engulfs their existence with a cacophony of negative influences.
Why? One of the main reasons is that it involves discomfort of some sort and people prefer the often mediocre comfort of the status quo. As a Muslim seeking to improve in the key areas of life, this “discomfort” is exactly what is needed and should be sought. A boldness and a certain kind of conviction in order to bring about change. This means accepting that some people you previously spent time with may well find your behaviour odd or strange but in the long scheme of things – living as a better Muslim and trying to attain paradise – it really is “minor”.
Many a time an individual decides to become “practising” only to be dragged back down within a few weeks or months simply because they did not upgrade their social circle alongside upgrading their religious practice. If anyone is in doubt as to the effects of company – and by company here I am referring to both offline and online company – on an individual’s thoughts, actions, habits, personality and identity, please Google the topic and study the psychology of social influence. I remember reading that if someone has an obese friend, they are 52% more likely to become obese. This isn’t a slight against obese people but succinctly illustrates what is being referred to.
We complain about lack of concentration in prayer, for example, or lack of motivation to pray, yet if we were to conduct an information audit of all that we have consumed just within the last 24 hours, we would quickly realise that our daily information diet of needless browsing, superficial conversation and entertainment is not conducive to spiritual development, or generally any kind of development.
The practical takeaway behind these this post is that I recently heard a quote along the lines of:
“Every person we interact with is either an example of how to be, or they are a warning of how not to be.”
You can further divide this into:
“Every person you interact with is either an example of how to be (within a certain sphere), or they are a warning of how not to be (within a certain sphere).
This further division helps in allowing you to take benefits and lessons from a wide range of people, Muslim or non-Muslim. A non-Muslim business owner with a turnover of millions, who works 18 hours a day may teach you something about drive and determination on the one hand but the perils of a lack of balance or spirituality on the other. A diligent cleaner with a positive outlook may teach you about paying attention to detail and gratitude. I could list further examples but if we each apply this line of thought to people in our lives, you will see the practical implications yourself.
A reminder,
